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User Profile #358844

burghyr

Loner

Description

Welcome, Driver
You have entered the Profile Zone. Turn back, or embrace destiny.

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A voice whispers through static...
"Choose your fate:"

A voice whispers through static...
Press the blinking red button
Take a suspicious juice break
Send your truck into orbit
Floor it into a questionable ramp
Take a shortcut through the frog dimension
Honk rhythmically at a jazz playing raccoon

Meanwhile, in a parallel universe...

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The drift was flawless. The cargo? Questionable. The legend? Born.

Quests Completed:
- Delivered 400 watermelons. Lost 398. Nobody asked.
- Survived a haunted weigh station at 3AM, barely
- Beat a Volvo drag racer using sheer chaos and luck
- Reversed 28km purely out of spite and confusion
- Joined the Midnight Convoy and never looked back
- Evaded the DMV on three continents

Inventory:
- 1 thermos of questionable soup
- 14 traffic cones with mysterious symbols
- A cursed CB radio that only plays Eurobeat
- Vibes, undefined but powerful
- One broken GPS that hates me

Secret Endings & Rumors:
Secret Ending: "The Cat Watches"
Discovered a hidden scroll buried in the glovebox of a 2001 DAF truck.
It reads: "He who vibes too hard shall ascend to The Convoy Eternal."
The cat knows. The cat sees.

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Secret Ending: "The Lost CB Signal"
Tuned into a mysterious frequency, heard a message in ancient trucker code:
"Deliver the cursed pickles or face the wrath of the highway gods."
Legend says those who obey are blessed with infinite torque.

Urgent Broadcast from HQ:
“All drivers must report sightings of:
- Time loops on the M25
- Floating cows near Junction 12
- Road signs written in Latin
- Invisible toll booths
- A man named Dave who doesn’t blink”

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Fun Facts About Me:
- I use 6th gear exclusively. On foot.
- Out-drifted a helicopter once, no big deal
- Legally banned from three rest stops and one Discord server
- My truck runs on diesel and unresolved issues
- I deliver chaos, not just cargo
- Parallel parked during a live cutscene

The Journey Continues...
You may leave this profile, but it will haunt you like the sound of a revving engine at midnight.
Somewhere out there, a road begins.
You feel watched... and strangely motivated.

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Keep driving, legend. Your cursed pickle shipment isn’t going to deliver itself.

Bonus Lore:
- There’s a legend of the "Ghost Convoy," trucks that appear out of nowhere on foggy nights and disappear without a trace. Some say they’re driven by lost souls of the road.
- The “Endless Rest Stop” is a myth where time stands still, and drivers get trapped for eternity sipping lukewarm coffee.
- The “Golden Traffic Cone” is said to grant the holder the power to avoid all speed cameras, but no one’s ever seen it and lived to tell the tale.
- Beware the “Phantom Brake Light”, a warning that you’re being followed by something that’s not quite human.

Trucking Philosophy:
- Life is just a long haul with detours and rest stops.
- The best cargo isn’t what you deliver, it’s the stories you collect on the way.
- When in doubt, honk like you mean it.

Call to Arms:
Join the Great Convoy, where we don’t just drive trucks, we drive legends.
Bring snacks, good vibes, and a healthy disrespect for speed limits.

Thanks for stopping by. Now get back on the road before the cat starts judging.

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